Ramblings from a Mad Woman

As part of my inner excavate-along I am supposed to flip through books and write down random words from several pages. Once done you use them to compose a poem. Today I grabbed travel book and came up with this.

Children free to fly
Make a terrifying pilgrimage
Soar to majestic heights
Find themselves lost
In impossible places
Walk through the gateway of home
To a warm family.

I like it. I like it a lot. So much so that I think I will put it on a canvas and display it. How it will go on the canvas is to be determined. I'm not the artsy-est person out there so I think I'll be searching till something do-able catches my eye.

Scenes from this day

Scenes from a normal day if your me.

Moulting

I'm trying to shed all my hang-ups and self perfectionism's. I'm digging deep into what I really love and what makes me me. I started writing in my new journal and while it's nothing to brag about I am really proud of myself for sitting down and getting something out.

This page was a journal entry about what I love in life. I decided to make a collage to go with it. Some of the things I wrote were my family, fall, music, knitting, reading, bright blue skies, and big puffy clouds.

I took on the challenge yesterday of making a word toolbox out of an old western book I found. Then I wrote 2 poems. One free verse and one rhyming. 

Free verse:

He sits gazing out over the land

Many men before him did the same

Texas the last American frontier

Established 1836

But his roots were established long before

Twelve years ago he tried to leave

California was the place to go

He took a train for 6 long days

When he arrived the news was waiting

George his brother had been shot

So he boarded the next train home

He knew he'd never leave again.

Rhyme:

He sits and stares

Many before him did the same.

Roots established here before he had a care

Texas his heart couldn't tame.

To California he took a train

Rode 6 days in the pourin rain.

When he arrived the news was waiting

George his brother was copulating

With an Indian's wife in Delmartin.

He'd been shot dead

Bullet right through his head. 

Now he's have to go back

To pick up the slack 

Ol' George left behind.

He knew in his heart

He'd never get a new start.

California was all just a dream.

Today I wrote a journal page on my memories of fall. It started out as my random thoughts about fall and then turned into a poem.

Cool breeze

warm sun

apples and pumpkins

comfort food

long sleeves and hats

red, yellows, and oranges

fall all around

I don't know who I am anymore

I'm burnt out. I am a stay at home mother of 3 and a homeschooling mom of 1 and I am burnt out. In the last 3 years I have been with my kids over 1000 days. Most of those days I've been with them 24 hours of those days. Most of that time I'm alone since hubby works very long hours. I change diapers, I wash clothes, I nurse babies, I wash dishes, I make beds, I feed the family, I drive wherever the children need to go, and so much more. Everything I do is for my children. I can't name the last time I did something for myself.  I have come to a point where I am no longer happy. My face doesn't light up to hear my kids voices. Normally I cringe. I love my kids more than words can express, but in doing everything I could for my children I left myself out to dry. I am no longer the happy mom that I used to be. Now I just count the hours until bedtime. More often than not I let them watch tv or play video games just so I can get something done (like cook that dinner) and not hear fighting. I decided today that I really need to take care of myself so I can be that happy mom again. We went to church this morning (CHILDCARE HALLELUJAH!HALLELUJAH!) and listened to a wonderful service on compassion. Then I went and  bought myself a journal and the book "inner excavate".  I am excited to take even a few minutes for myself and start on this journey tomorrow.  I also plan to find a sitter so hubby and I can start having date nights.