Sunday, September 9, 2012
I don't know who I am anymore
I'm burnt out. I am a stay at home mother of 3 and a homeschooling mom of 1 and I am burnt out. In the last 3 years I have been with my kids over 1000 days. Most of those days I've been with them 24 hours of those days. Most of that time I'm alone since hubby works very long hours. I change diapers, I wash clothes, I nurse babies, I wash dishes, I make beds, I feed the family, I drive wherever the children need to go, and so much more. Everything I do is for my children. I can't name the last time I did something for myself. I have come to a point where I am no longer happy. My face doesn't light up to hear my kids voices. Normally I cringe. I love my kids more than words can express, but in doing everything I could for my children I left myself out to dry. I am no longer the happy mom that I used to be. Now I just count the hours until bedtime. More often than not I let them watch tv or play video games just so I can get something done (like cook that dinner) and not hear fighting. I decided today that I really need to take care of myself so I can be that happy mom again. We went to church this morning (CHILDCARE HALLELUJAH!HALLELUJAH!) and listened to a wonderful service on compassion. Then I went and bought myself a journal and the book "inner excavate". I am excited to take even a few minutes for myself and start on this journey tomorrow. I also plan to find a sitter so hubby and I can start having date nights.